Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Change -- and Pink Hand Soap


I think that we, as human beings, can really get used to almost anything. It is true that when faced with changes and obstacles, we get frightened and nervous about how to proceed into uncharted territory.

There are a few schools of thought, when facing such obstacles: one is to convince yourself of your future successes, and thus become so positively directed that you can’t imagine failure. The other is quite the opposite: to prepare yourself for the absolute worst; to become aware of any and all ramifications of the worst outcome, and to accept it as a possible -- and probable outcome.

I don’t accept change easily. I do not enjoy the challenge of something new; I prefer the known and the comfortable. This is why I become anxious and apprehensive when faced with new things. Actually, anxious is a bit of an understatement. When I recently booked my driver’s license road test for two weeks later, I couldn’t think of anything else. I stayed up at night, worrying about what would happen. I felt sick to my stomach, with pains that wouldn’t go away.

People tend to think that they are helping when they say “its all in your head” or “just think positively” -- but they just don’t understand. You see, if it was that easy, if all that it takes is just to tell myself that it will be okay, then wouldn’t I have tried such a tactic? Those people personify the first school of thought (above) that can convince themselves that they can succeed in any situation. The kind of person that I would like to be (and hate at the same time).

Lately, I am coming to the realization that some people had in their teenage years: that things aren’t as scary as they seem once you get used to them. Gaining experience and seeing what’s out there really helps one to succeed. Maybe, even planning to fall and pick yourself up once or twice is not the worst method.

So, although I failed the first driving test that I took, when I came back and tried again, I felt much more prepared and calm, knowing what lay ahead. I passed with flying colours the second time around.

But here’s another example of change: my fluorescent hand soap phobia. Israelis, for all their progress in technology, have not yet mastered the hand soap industry. The most common brands produce bright pink, blue or green goop, that have pungent, and interestingly unnatural smells. For a long time, my office had the orange flavour in stock. I was able to stand the orange flavour, as it slightly resembled a normal-smelling soap. But recently, the office manager changed, and with her, so did the soap flavour -- to pink.

At the beginning, I found myself close to throwing up every time I washed my hands. I almost resorted to bringing in my own hand soap, and hiding it somewhere, so that I wouldn’t be that weird person in the office bringing in their own soap. Then I told myself (and granted, this was a very quick decision, seeing as this was a sudden change) that I have to just take the plunge, and get used to it. I knew that it would be awful. I knew that I would find myself sitting at my desk sniffing and wondering who had mixed dishwashing liquid with ketchup -- and then realize that the smell was coming from me. And it was pretty bad at first, there were some hard times, I’m not going to lie. But slowly, I have gotten used to the smell. It has become less terrible, and more familiar. Once I got used to it, I realized that life with pink hand soap is better than life without any hand soap. And that maybe I can, one day, reach the point where I can embrace change as it hits me in the face.